I was going to title this "Bedded Bliss" but I thought you would think that I got lucky...
Mom was gone for a week (in Miami for school) so I got to sleep in her bed. Ahhhh! A real bed! she even has one of those temperpetic mattresses - very comfy. But now I am back to my air mattress. I'm telling you friends, hug your mattress!(if that is possible) - you have no idea how lucky you are!!! One of my aunts loaned me the mattress from her trundle bed to put under my mattress and that certainly helps make it easier to get out of bed in the morning (I'm not 18 anymore...) but it still isn't a real bed. Think I'm obsessing?? Try sleeping on a twin-sized air mattress for a couple of months and get back to me.
***
I have been gone from Oregon a month and a half now (and I still miss it) and it has been interesting to be un-everything! first, it was just weird to be living with my mom and not have a home of my own. Oh, Mom and I get along great and we are even going through some withdrawals being apart now (but we both need the space - we will talk, eat and shop forever if not forced to separate!). But it is a strange sensation to be - ahem - 51 and living with mommy. Then I was facing renting a room from a young mom and her little girl. that seemed like a fine idea until the time got closer, then the reality began to set in that I would be living under someone else's terms, on their turf. No biggy if you are a college student, but a major adjustment when you have been the Boss of Your Own Space for many years. Good thing it all fell through...
There was a point in my spiritual journey that I seriously sat with the question"what are you willing to sacrifice for God?". Once I got clear with what I was really being asked, I offered myself up and said "if you ask me to live in just a room with a bed, dresser and a chair I will do it as long as I can also have a vase of flowers". Well, I look around my room and realize that I am not far from that! I don't have a dresser but there is a desk (on it's way) and a small table and chairs...and a vase of flowers. So, be careful what you offer!!!!! But truthfully, I find the simplicity of living like this liberating. Sure, it would be nice to have a sofa to chill on, but there is such lightness and clarity in this space.
And it is a very pink space! I decided that I needed an environment that would support a lot of creativity and the color pink kept showing up. So I have pink fabric draped over my bed and windows and it's pretty cool! It's my first truly girly room. Pretty funny when the maintenance crew comes over to fix things though...they just stand there and say 'this is really pink!" (even though I forewarned them).
Then there are the questions that I have trouble answering. People will ask me where I am from...do I say Oregon, even though I wasn't even there 2 years or do I say California, which I have detached from? And when you answer that question, and add that you are only staying in the current state for a limited time, it is often with the understanding that you will go back "home". But where is home for me? I know I will spend several months in California to be with Tenaya (God, I miss that girl!) but after that...??? I am not particularly attached to California anymore...I like New Mexico all right, but I am not feeling any love for it...Oregon is pretty wonderful, but if there is no work, that doesn't bode well...so where am I going? It is weird to realize that I can't answer the question "where is home?".I don't know and that is an odd feeling. Yet, at the same time, it's kinda exciting! I'm living a mystery!
So this journey is a lot about faith, trust, patience, curiosity, creativity and reinvention.
...and bed wishes.
Mom was gone for a week (in Miami for school) so I got to sleep in her bed. Ahhhh! A real bed! she even has one of those temperpetic mattresses - very comfy. But now I am back to my air mattress. I'm telling you friends, hug your mattress!(if that is possible) - you have no idea how lucky you are!!! One of my aunts loaned me the mattress from her trundle bed to put under my mattress and that certainly helps make it easier to get out of bed in the morning (I'm not 18 anymore...) but it still isn't a real bed. Think I'm obsessing?? Try sleeping on a twin-sized air mattress for a couple of months and get back to me.
***
I have been gone from Oregon a month and a half now (and I still miss it) and it has been interesting to be un-everything! first, it was just weird to be living with my mom and not have a home of my own. Oh, Mom and I get along great and we are even going through some withdrawals being apart now (but we both need the space - we will talk, eat and shop forever if not forced to separate!). But it is a strange sensation to be - ahem - 51 and living with mommy. Then I was facing renting a room from a young mom and her little girl. that seemed like a fine idea until the time got closer, then the reality began to set in that I would be living under someone else's terms, on their turf. No biggy if you are a college student, but a major adjustment when you have been the Boss of Your Own Space for many years. Good thing it all fell through...
There was a point in my spiritual journey that I seriously sat with the question"what are you willing to sacrifice for God?". Once I got clear with what I was really being asked, I offered myself up and said "if you ask me to live in just a room with a bed, dresser and a chair I will do it as long as I can also have a vase of flowers". Well, I look around my room and realize that I am not far from that! I don't have a dresser but there is a desk (on it's way) and a small table and chairs...and a vase of flowers. So, be careful what you offer!!!!! But truthfully, I find the simplicity of living like this liberating. Sure, it would be nice to have a sofa to chill on, but there is such lightness and clarity in this space.
And it is a very pink space! I decided that I needed an environment that would support a lot of creativity and the color pink kept showing up. So I have pink fabric draped over my bed and windows and it's pretty cool! It's my first truly girly room. Pretty funny when the maintenance crew comes over to fix things though...they just stand there and say 'this is really pink!" (even though I forewarned them).
Then there are the questions that I have trouble answering. People will ask me where I am from...do I say Oregon, even though I wasn't even there 2 years or do I say California, which I have detached from? And when you answer that question, and add that you are only staying in the current state for a limited time, it is often with the understanding that you will go back "home". But where is home for me? I know I will spend several months in California to be with Tenaya (God, I miss that girl!) but after that...??? I am not particularly attached to California anymore...I like New Mexico all right, but I am not feeling any love for it...Oregon is pretty wonderful, but if there is no work, that doesn't bode well...so where am I going? It is weird to realize that I can't answer the question "where is home?".I don't know and that is an odd feeling. Yet, at the same time, it's kinda exciting! I'm living a mystery!
So this journey is a lot about faith, trust, patience, curiosity, creativity and reinvention.
...and bed wishes.
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